“Unfortunately” is an awful word to read at the beginning of an email.

My dear one,

I did not make it. There were only maybe ten people in the audition room and I did not impress. Such a troubling life we artists lead. And so when I read the word “unfortunately” at the beginning of the deciding email this morning I allowed myself ten seconds.

One. How could I not have made it? I am GOOD. I know it.

Two. I am a failure. I haven’t booked anything.

Three. Well I’ve only been to maybe three auditions since I moved here.

Four. I hate this, myself, and everything.

Five. I have not spent the better part of my life in class so that I could teach.

Six. Why am I doing this again? It makes me want to jump off of something.

Seven. It wasn’t even paid.

Eight. *wordless anger*

Nine. I need ice cream, Netflix, and to punch something.

Ten. Goddamn it.

And it is over. I will not continue to dwell upon things I cannot control.

Being human is hard.